I am already tired of May...

Friday, May 2, 2008

...and I don't like coming up with titles for my blog posts. May is an in-between time for me right now. I am still in between jobs, although insha'Allah I will find one soon with not too much trouble (I hope, I hope, I really hope!). I am in between semesters; classes start again on May 12th. I am also in between therapy sessions, since individual sessions are really limited now and group therapy only runs during class, so it doesn't start again til the 12th. And although we may have one or two Tibetan classes, I'm in between that, too, essentially, because my teacher is moving to Korea soon. May is also in between spring and summer here, so some days it's unbearably hot, other days it's just mildly hot, and some days it's actually cool enough to be bearable. And some days, like the past couple of days, it is beautiful, and then some days I get up the courage to go swimming and it rains as soon as I get in the pool. My days right now are lazy; except for doctors' visits and job searching, they have basically no structure, which is lovely and gives me time to relax and work on Tibetan and now Arabic as well (Alhamdulillah), but I am ready for classes again.

A couple of interesting "othering" experiences happened to me yesterday. I was waiting for the bus with a friend (who is male, white, looks like your average Protestant of Northern European ancestry, etc.), and I was dressed fairly conservatively although not, like, all in black in an abaya or anything (I was wearing a bright blue jilbab and blue shayla). My friend is not from here and doesn't know his way around. This guy (white, older) stopped and asked us where the nearest open restaurant was - only he directed his question specifically at my friend and refused to speak to me or look at me at all, even when I started answering his question. My friend had to say, "Why don't you ask her? She lives here," before he would even acknowledge my existence, and then he spent more time commenting on my clothing and that he was surprised that I have blue eyes than actually listening to me answer his question or taking anything I said seriously. It was really strange. I have experienced being spoken over for both being young and being female before, and at a couple of shops I've had people (when they aren't avoiding me because of how I'm dressed) practically mow me over in line like I'm invisible or something...but I have rarely experienced this just total, complete feeling of not only being overlooked but being purposefully ignored - and I think what bothers me is I felt like a lot of it was because I am female, not just because I am wearing "Muslim" clothing.

The other thing happened on our way home when we were at the bus station; I have taken the city bus here since I was about 9 or 10 years old. One of my uncles also retired from 14 years of working for the city bus system. So there are a lot of riders that I have seen around for years and years but never really spoken to all that much, and several drivers whom I've also seen for a long time. One of the other bus patrons that has probably been taking the bus since before I first started and whom I've seen pretty regularly walks up to us and without any ado begins telling me how he's been to all these Middle Eastern countries. Then he asks me where I'm from. I'm like...I'm from here! I'm from Tallahassee! And he gives me this really strange look. This is a man who has probably seen me at least once a week for the last ten years - even if he wasn't really paying attention, I mean, once a week for like ten years, you'd think he'd at least notice. Put a scarf on my head and I'm suddenly an immigrant. Immigration is a wonderful thing, but I already get a lot of crap from people/drivers since I became a college student because all of a sudden I'm supposed to be like those other (non-Tally native, non-normally bus riding, bourgie white with parents who pay for everything) college students, and now I must have just moved to Tallahassee last week. Assumptions really amaze me sometimes. And these are people who, if they haven't really talked to me that much, have probably seen me around for the last decade or so.

Good news - I had my first Arabic lesson today Alhamdulillah! And now I should go to bed so I can stumble out of bed in a few hours for Fajr...

Some recent posts you might be interested in:

Kate Swoboda reflects on activism, self-work, and particularly oppression and privilege.

Lina has a collection of articles and blogs on the suicide of "DC Madam" Deborah Jeane Palfrey. Regardless of what your feelings on sex work are, the fact that this woman was so overwhelmed by the crap she was put through, particularly by the media, that she was driven to suicide, is deeply saddening. I am particularly upset because much of the reason that sex work thrives is because of the demand (this is also much of the reason that, unfortunately, human trafficking thrives as well). And yet although the media gave cursory attention to the many high-profile government and corporate officials who were patrons of Palfrey's escort service, none of them have experienced the absolute condemnation and media terrorizing that Palfrey and others related to this "scandal" have. In my opinion, if anyone should feel guilt or be condemned for their part in this situation, these officials should. But they won't, because they can just move along to another escort service and be more discreet next time; because if a sex work scandal is exposed, the sex workers are the ones whose lives are treated with absolutely no respect. Even if the media likes making politicians look bad, they still maintain at least some distant sense of boundaries and human decency; that does not exist for sex workers in the media. Anyway, regardless of the details of this particular situation, I wish that we would keep this woman in our du'as, and everyone else affected by this scandal - it has also claimed the life of another woman who committed suicide as well. May no more suffering be caused by this insha'Allah. Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'un.

Anxious Black Woman has a troubling and eye-opening post on what happens When Bigots Appropriate Progressive Language.

Still, it is beyond disturbing to think that white supremacists are deliberately taking progressive classes so that they can learn to "talk the talk" while spewing forth the same old hatred. I may be able to change minds, but in accomplishing this task, have I also empowered the hatemongers too?

Travelers on the Path of Knowledge has a lovely little story on following the direction of Allah subhanu wa ta'ala even though we may not always understand it.

Tru3woman has an absolutely beautiful reminder up that all we have is now, something that very deeply touched me, especially where I am in my life at the moment.

In our lives it is very easy to become complacent… this is a subtle complacency. We are constantly on the move, constantly thinking of the next item of business to take care of that we loose sight of what is most important to us: Allah. Our practice of Islam becomes ritualistic, as the minutes, hours and days pass. We find that we have not read the Quran, memorized a Hadeeth or studied the life of the most important person ever to exist. Rather, we continue on and on and on until we start to see our children who are now preteens and wonder were the time went.