Fear.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I am afraid to journal. I'm afraid to do morning pages, or evening pages, or any kind of pages. I am afraid to put pen to paper. I have been avoiding for months and months now; every time I try it, I go flat. I avoid by doing schoolwork, cleaning, redesigning websites, reading message boards obsessively, looking at beautiful sites by beautiful artists, doing crossword puzzles, ANYTHING to avoid writing what I actually feel. I managed to churn out 13 poems for my creative writing class this semester...but I got rejected for an advanced workshop for fall. And that is the closest I've gotten to writing in a long, long time. An embarrassingly long time. I tell myself everything...from it's a waste of time to I'm too tired to I won't say anything worthwhile, so why bother?

I'm suffocating myself.

Exhaustion

Sunday, April 22, 2007

So, I still have not written for Disordered Times. I have an article idea, though, so maybe it will get done as soon as I finish that paper that's due on Monday and survive my math final on Tuesday. I think it would be a nice way to begin the new writing section on the domain...honestly, now that I am thinking of seeking publication for some of my poems and the art/essay collection idea is starting to take shape in my head, I'm becoming more and more wary about posting my writing online. I'm much more comfortable posting my art, because I have control over selling it when/if I feel like it. But I think articles written for blogs and sites would be good additions to the writing section on the site.

I'm really happy with the new layout...I played around with something a couple of days ago, but I didn't like it nearly as much as I like this. It's simple enough to accomplish what I want in very few pages, but still pretty and not just plain black and white. And I found a use for one of my Niagara Falls photos :)

I have a prison penpal at Wakulla CI now through the pagan prison penpal program. He seems really nice :) I got my first letter from him a few days ago. That's exciting.

I also managed to get my room to resemble something like cleanliness and...gasp...organization. Yay!

On the other hand, I am very sad that Poetic Technique and the Death & Dying seminar are over :( It always saddens me when my favorite classes are over at the end of the semester, even though I'm still in the throes of must-survive-semester desperation.

I'm going to the LDS church tomorrow, where some friends of mine from work attend, so I guess I should get to bed.